Ebbs and Flows

A couple of days ago, I decided to order a baby book for Milo. We have our ultrasound pictures, the story of finding out we were pregnant, and I wanted to ensure we had a place to put it all, so I bought the same baby book Ryleigh and Oliver have. 

Then today, we got home from our mini-vacation and I saw the package on our doorstep. My heart sank and felt so heavy realizing that it was the baby book I've so eagerly ordered for our older two. When we looked into ordering it a couple days ago, it felt like things were 'normal' and I even made a plan for if we don't get to fill out the monthly/yearly milestone pages. Today, it was a harsh reminder that each day is a gift, and we don't know how many days we will get. 

I've read through many blogs and talked with other moms who have walked a similar path, and I know that this is within the realm of normal but it doesn't necessarily make it any easier. Some days you can take it, other days it hits you like a train. 

It's so hard to plan for the future when there is so many unknowns. So right now, we are sticking to the basics: the baby book, a blanket/swaddle for photos, a special outfit to put him in, etc. We know that no matter what the outcome, we will get to use them, and it gives us some hope and excitement as we navigate this rollercoaster. 

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