Our Miracle, Milo

If I would've written this post earlier this week, I think it would've been quite raw, and not as optimistic as the posts I've written prior. As each week passes, the reality that Milo is coming sooner than later hits harder and harder. As silly as this sounds, I JUST had the revelation that my health and well-being is a factor in Milo's birth and life after he's born. It truly wasn't until last week that I thought about how I will have all the postpartum care and recovery, regardless of Milo's outcome, and that really sat heavily on my heart. Postpartum is so hard, but the idea of having to go through it while also not having a little human to care for is just gut-wrenching. I definitely am trying to remain optimistic that we will get time with Milo, and have an opportunity to care for him once he's here. It's just that the 'what-ifs' that I haven't let in since our diagnosis are much more real, and are things that we will have to face i...

Being fully transparent, I am noticing my anxiety getting worse as we approach the end of Milo's pregnancy. We have been so fortunate to get these past 33 weeks with him, but I am fully aware that each day that passes brings us closer to meeting him, and ultimately, the determination of how his journey will go. I've noticed I'm a bit more on edge, keeping to myself, and struggling to 'mask' my feelings around all of this. Learning of Milo's diagnosis and choosing to fight for him is by far one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I've done it while my heart breaks at the same time. It's this constant ebb and flow of trying to be optimistic, but also understanding the very heavy, heartbreaking outcomes that can come with it. Milo continues to show us how strong he is, and how he continues to fight to live, so we are ready to continue the fight for him. So here's what's new... Today we had our LAST (yes, you read that right!) appointment i...

Milo, we've known of your existence for 198 days. We learned of your congenital heart defects 81 days ago. We learned of your probable Trisomy 13 diagnosis 70 days ago, with confirmation just days later. In these past days and weeks, we have continued to love you, fight for you, and have hope for you in ways we would have never imagined.  Each day comes with smiles and some shreds of grief, although we continue to try to remain optimistic. Yesterday being Mother's Day, was one of those days where both grief and joy had to coexist. Milo was especially wiggly, and it was such a sweet reminder of the little fighter I'm growing (see video below). We also spent a lot of quality time with Ryleigh and Oliver which is just as special. However, I also broke down when realizing this may be my only Mother's Day with all of my kids with me. Josh pointed out how lucky we are to have this day with him, which is true, but it doesn't take away the hurt that comes with the idea of l...

  Another week down! As the countdown goes on, I feel like time is going faster and faster.  This last week has been a bit all over the place. I can definitely tell my anxiety is increasing as we get closer to Milo's due date. I have so many "what ifs" running through my mind, and it's so hard to turn them off. The most recent one was thinking about if Milo survives birth, would we let other people hold him. I took this question to the Trisomy Facebook Group, and many people had many different responses. However, one thing Josh pointed out was how little time each person had with their baby. It was a slightly harsh reminder that we have no idea how much time we will get with Milo earthside, but we are going to continue to hold out hope that he's going to continue to fight to survive just like he has this far.  Over the last week, we reached out to an organization called "Be Not Afraid" which partners with other organizations to help support and guide fam...